Sandra sank to the floor near her bed in exhausted desperation.
The irony of the spot hit her full on. Years ago, as a child, she would kneel here before bed, conversing with God, just as Mama taught her.
But Mama died. Sandra hadn’t spoken to God since. After years of silence, she cried out to Him but heard no reply.
She was seventeen.
She was pregnant.
She was utterly alone.
God, where did it all go wrong?
All her plans for the future were futile.
Her life would never be the same.
She would never be the same.
Mama would be so disappointed in her. “Don’t let your mistakes define you,” Mama’s words ran through her mind, “instead let the fulfillment of God’s promises define your life.”
As a child she couldn’t comprehend what Mama meant. But now, she pondered…
“God, do You still have plans for me, even now? Do You still love me?”
Of course, my child.
“Lord, I’m so sorry for my disobedience, my sin. I want to turn things around, Oh Lord, help me turn things around.”
Six years later, that single mom was waving good-bye to a , blue-eyed, blond haired, excited kindergartener at the bus stop.
As that big yellow bus pulled away with her precious daughter she thought again of her mama’s wise words.
She had not’ let her mistakes define her. She had graduated high school, than beauty school. She had found her way back to God, into His word. She had allowed her heart to soften and grow her childhood faith.
She loved her little girl fiercely. She prayed with her, read the Children’s Bible with her, and took her to church. Her own faith grew as she shared God’s word with her daughter.
It had certainly not been easy, but she had not allowed her mistakes to define her or to rule what she did with her life.
Instead, broken-hearted, soul shattered, she’d held those tattered pieces of her presence in an open hand before the Lord, trusted Him, and relied on Him to carry her back to the good path He had for her.
And He had.
He had redeemed her. He didn’t look at her with contempt or resurrect her sin-stained past when she talked to Him. He saw her heart, a heart cleansed by Jesus and beating for her Heavenly Father.
Each of us has something, or maybe a few somethings, we are ashamed of.
But hiding it, not talking to God about it, pretending it’s not there isn’t the answer.
You see, those negative things we bury deep inside refuse to remain hidden.
Those fragments form a growing shape.
That shape festers until one day it can’t be contained any more, and like lit fireworks, those emotions come bursting forth in an explosion few are likely to forget, least of all the one who lived through the shameful exclamation demanding an explanation.
But it doesn’t have to be that way. No matter what we have done, we can approach God. Like Sandra, we can come before Him broken-hearted, soul shattered, and honestly admit, ‘I have no business being here, but here I am, in a huge mess and I don’t know how to get out. Please change me.’
He can, and if we ask, He will.
He certainly can move heaven and earth!
Dear Heavenly Father, You search me and know me. Please reveal to me anything I’m bottling up or pushing down. Please give me the courage I need to come to You and to find any help necessary. Thank You for the promise of Your faithful love, in Jesus’s name, Amen.