Does God ever surprise you in a way that leaves you, well, aghast?
Do you put effort into your relationship with God? Do you truly try to consult Him before choices, read His word most days, and follow His laws?
I know I’m not perfect, but I really try to do that. I also know every once in a while, He does something I just didn’t see coming. Often, this leads me into a wrestling match. It’s a game I know I won’t win, at least in the traditional sense. But it’s one I engage in because, well, to put it succinctly, I want to know why. And how come? And is God who I think He is?
I don’t think it’s bad to ask these questions. My faith has never been shattered as I’ve wrestled with Him. Wrestling the really hard things: “God, it’s cancer. Why does my child have to have a chronic illness? Why is life so hard?”
Closing in on five decades of life, He has never failed me yet.
Genesis 32:22-23 tells us of how Jacob wrestled with God.
First, the backdrop: Jacob needed to leave home after he swindled his brother’s birthright. It’s on his return home that he wrestled with God.
Jacob had sent gifts to soften and sweeten his brother. I can see him walking away from his camp that night, considering with fear, what he considered the most probable reaction from Esau.
Jacob went away from camp and physically wrestled with someone.
When the night was over and Jacob came out on top, he left with a wrenched hip. He would never be the same again. But he was sure who God is and empowered to trust Him all the more.
When I have wrestled with Him emotionally and mentally, it’s draining. Physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. Yet, even as the tears flowed, I knew I had to trust Him. And once it’s all done and over I am in a better place. I can take stock of my faith and accurately assess myself. Yes, He grew me.
I didn’t always like the process, but once again I have learned I can trust Him. He’s in control. And He will, somehow, some way, work it for my good. And that has emboldened me to confidently walk into something I knew I was called to, even when I wanted to run the opposite direction. (I get you Jonah!)
Because I know God brought me through cancer. I know God saved a child who almost died on a life-flight. And I know somehow, I’m still trusting God to get me through the day.
How about you? How’s that wrestling going? Are you finding, like I, that even when I surrender that it’s still a personal win?
Because the more we know God, we actually win.
Are you like me, in not appreciating the process, but loving the outcome? Maybe, just maybe we can learn to consider wrestling a joy. Let’s ask Him together for just that.
Prayer: Dear Lord, Thank You for the correction, and the teaching, and the coaching. Thank You for taking the time to wrestle with me. I am learning to surrender to You. Thank You for Your patience. Please help me to appreciate this wrestling as I grow in You. In Jesus’ name, Amen.