Years ago, I prayed a dangerous prayer: Lord, Do whatever You need to do. I prayed over a very specific situation. Something I had no answer for. One that required a miracle.
That answer? Cancer. My personal diagnosis of cancer. That was the answer to help someone else.
And God did come through. And yes, He did heal me of Stage III cancer. The whole experience was amazing, overwhelming, and supernatural. And left me in awe, completely confident in God’s abilities, and honestly, a little gun-shy.
I want more power, more of the Holy Spirit. I want to continuously draw closer to Him. I would also like a bit more control of the pen that authors what He’ll use. (God, I’d much rather not go through chemo again!)
But that isn’t how faith works. And that’s not how God works. He doesn’t always check with us first.
When we ask Him to work, we can believe He is working. Undoubtedly for the very best for each of us. He knows the plans He has for us. And He promises they will ultimately benefit us. (See Jeremiah 29:11)
All I need to do is Be still and know He is God. (Psalm 46:10) He doesn’t need my insight or input. He needs me to… simply trust Him. He needs me to let go. Let Him be God. Trust in Him and trust in His process.
Ooh, but sometimes, ahh, I don’t wanna! Oh, may I revert to a three-year-old for just five minutes and scream, pound the floor and kick until my heart’s content with my immature display of displeasure? Why won’t He run it past me first?
When I’m honest with myself, I know why. And I actually agree with Him. He is God. He knows better. And even though I had fifteen months of cancer treatment, I lived through it. I was healed. And my faith grew.
Are you in that place today where you want to invite the Holy Spirit in, give Him free reign to correct and convict, yet want to reserve the editing rights?
He knows.
He understands.
He’ll wait.
He’ll wait for the sweet surrender. The, God, I just don’t know anything anymore. You need to take over. And yes, He may surprise.
He may even shock.
But when it’s all said and done, He will amaze.
Have I learned to invite Him in without reservation? Honestly no. But I have learned to invite Him in despite reservation.
Reservation of fear, a little concern, and a healthy dose of expectation.
Because one thing I have learned, is God sometimes shocks, but His intentions and results are the best, born out of the greatest love for me.
If you, like me, need a bit of encouragement to let go, and let God author that needed miracle, let’s ask Him to supply all we need to be able to do just that.
Prayer: Dear Lord, You know what I need. You know what weighs my heart. You know what threatens to keep me up at night. You gave me the gift of the Holy Spirit to correct and convict. Please convict me to let go, to trust You, and to simply be still and wait on You. You know that’s hard for me. Yet I know You can supply all I need to do just that. Draw me closer to You and help me build a faith in You that can outwait the time needed for You to work. In Jesus’ name, Amen.