What is your greatest disappointment?
What’s your deepest hurt?
What does it take to humble you?
Sometimes God doesn’t do as I ask. Well, a lot of times actually. And most moments, I am truly okay with that. He’s God. I’m not. I trust He knows best.
But every once in a while… like once a decade…I’m flabbergasted.
In the recent past, I watched a dear soul face her worst fear… and lose.
Wait a minute God! That cannot be the ending!
Oh, did my heart hurt. No, no, no, no, no!
My mind raced with reasons why this story needed another ending.
She was a faithful follower. A caring Christian who acted Christ-like.
God could not, would not, author this for her!
That’s what I told Him as I processed the news. My heart hurt for her in a way no words could depict.
As I was forced to my knees, I had to return to what I know is true.
God, I love You.
I do trust You.
I don’t understand. How could You?
I’ve been a believer for decades. I rely on and recount God’s promises as I journey through daily life. When the unexpected occurs, I trust Him to bring good from it. And He does. Not matter how impossible the scenario may seem.
It just seems “easier” to hold that mindset when it’s my heart bearing the consequences, not someone else, not when the story is completely over and the outcome is known.
But then I bring the shards of my heart and lay them at His feet. Lord, I truly don’t understand. But I do know You are trustworthy. You are God. I am not. I don’t have to know why. I just need to trust You.
And I do.
I am reminded of Isaiah 55:8-9, “‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher that your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.'”
Maybe you too, are struggling with a piece of a story you can’t fathom. When watching God at work, and His actions seem out of character, and the plot twists unimaginable. Yet, He is God. He can be trusted. If you’re like me, those words can be recited sincerely most of the time, and then wham! I need to reconsider and ask for His help in trusting. But He will provide even that, all we need to do is ask. Will you join me in asking for just that?
Prayer: Dear Lord, You know the state of my heart. I do trust You. I want to trust You. I just don’t understand what You are doing. And I know I don’t need to comprehend. I just need to proceed with faith. Help me to trust You. Hold me in the wait. Teach me to be faithful even in the midst of not understanding. In Jesus’s name, Amen.