Encourage our men!

“Fathers, do not provoke your children lest they become discouraged.” Colossians 3:21

Recently, I have heard a lot about one subject in particular: young people leaving the church as they grow into adulthood.

A young man recently told our family:  “I can understand why so many young men leave the church, even those who grew up in the church.  They are simply overwhelmed.”

Upon further probing I was astonished to hear what was overwhelming:  the perceived church’s expectations placed on these young men.  Many of these men feel they are to provide for their families, provide well enough so their wives might make the choice to stay home and raise their children.  Then, amidst all that providing they are expected to coach sports teams for their children, teach Sunday school classes, and participate in the many church activities that happen each week.  And, on top of all that they need to make certain the wife feels treasured and taken on “dates” without the kids each week, and for occasional weekends away, so their marriage is strong.  And, then there is the issue of taking care of any extended family members which may need help, like aging parents.  (Not to mention, the yard needs mowed, the oil needs changed, and oh, exercising your body is important for long-term health, so fit in five hours of exercise a week!)

Apparently, many men feel they simply cannot measure up, so they give up entirely.

What astonished me most was that I knew women felt they often could not measure up, but to hear a man voice the same thing made me wonder: Why are we provoking ourselves to this mental and spiritual battle?

Because you can be sure: it is a spiritual battle just as well as we each battle within ourselves mentally.  The enemy is having heyday with our perceived expectations about our roles.  And, he is using all of us to perpetuate the continued misunderstandings.

If you are female and you are married, have you ever stopped to consider what all your husband does in a day? I recently had a conversation with my own husband and I pointed out to him that I am dealing with young, immature children, with little rational conversation for most of the day.

He reminded me that he deals with the same frustrations, but he is dealing with adults all day, not people who are only three feet tall!

When he walks through our door, after being in meetings for ten hours that day, he would love some peace and quiet, but our house is anything but!  Dinner is on the table and the kids are clamoring for a bike ride after dinner.  He is drained of all energy: physical and mental, yet he knows his family is important and he pushes himself to go along.

For many men, Sundays should be a day of rest, but in reality, are anything but.  They need to teach Sunday school, or lead communion, be watching the congregation for new faces, so we are certain that all visitors are greeted.  All great things, but if they need to come from one person, a person who has already logged in 60 or more hours at a desk all week, we should not be surprised when he burns out.

Men are to be our leaders!  And we women need to encourage them!  We tend to be emotional and sometimes lonely, but we need to be able to step back and consider what all they are doing.

We also need as a church, to uplift our men in prayer, and constantly remember to say ‘thank you’ for a job well done, instead of pointing out the failures.

Colossians 3:21 talks about Fathers not provoking their children lest they become discouraged.  What about the church provoking its men by placing unreal expectations on them, to the point where they are not only discouraged, but just plain give up?

As you sincerely wish your father a happy Father’s Day, reflect on the other men in your life. Think of the young couples starting their families, trying to figure out parenting without a full nights’ sleep.  The men trying to launch teens successfully without losing their own sanity!

The men of the church, who have significant spiritual questions, yet are afraid to voice them, lest they become written off as hopeless.  The men who have significant struggles and want help, yet fear being swallowed by a sea of shame fueled by fiery “Christians”.

As a church community, we need to encourage each other, not add more burdens.  We need to help carry each other’s loads, not dump more demands onto one person.  Think of the words of Jesus, “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart and you will find rest for your souls.” Matthew 11:28-29

If we can not be more Christ-like in our treatment of each other, we will lose our men from the church, and eventually our women and children too.  Do not let that happen!  You can change someone’s view today!

Reflections:

1)  Who are the significant men in my life?

2) How can I encourage them? Implement today!

3) Pray about how I can encourage other men at church?

4) If married, assess how I might adjust my expectations so the burden on my husband is lighter. If not married, consider your expectations of what God calls men and women to do when they make the covenant of marriage.

5) Prayfully consider how you might start this conversation with people at your own church: maybe a small group, the youth pastor or pastor, or Sunday school class.  Ask others to pray about how to encourage each other so that not one of us feels overwhelmed or discouraged.

I would love to hear your response!  Do you think younger men are leaving the church because they are overwhelmed with the church’s expectations of them?  What do you think the church’s response should be?

Thank you for reading, and please return by Monday June 25, for the next post.